The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize