just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
