no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize