i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
