it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
