You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the liver wants what the liver wants
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
