and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
