Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he shaved USA in his pubs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
