the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
