just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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