he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
