Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
