weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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