Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Everything about him screamed your future.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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