I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
