Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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