I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nobody cheats on THIS.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
