he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think i got beer on your cat.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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