On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
