break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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