I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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