i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
