I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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