Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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