you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
