Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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