rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just forgot I was standing up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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