Too much gin, very little bucket
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
