i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
