do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
