I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
