im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well most of my day revolves around power hour
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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