he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
