dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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