And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
