I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
