If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
