I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize