You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
