Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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