im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
