hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
