I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
