Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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