im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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