Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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