the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
