i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
