I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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