Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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