this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
