she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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