I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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