apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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