Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
