He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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