My hair reeks of homosexuality.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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