Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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