is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
