I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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