dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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